Christmas Pictures. Just a few.

 Christmas Eve at the Bellistan party

 Mama couldn't wait any longer for him to wake up

 Just cute

 Sitting in his new chair playing with his new lap top.

 Vincent with handsome cousins Grayson and Archer

Bullet Point Update On My Life

I don't like to write. Largely because I feel I am no good at it. So here are some bullet points.

-I haven't been drinking diet soda or anything artificially sweetened. Just shy of a month. This is Big.
-I love Vincent
-And Josh
-My goal of eating little to no refined or processed foods is going just ok. But I am happy with my progress
-Today I had a migraine, not a common occurrence. I used essential oils in hopes to help or alleviate. Nailed it.
-Speaking of O'ccurrence, I don't work there anymore.
-Speaking of not working anymore, I don't have to use drugs to make me sleep during the day so I can be awake at night.
-Practically drug free these days and doing well.
-I'm glad I wasn't on that Carnival Triumph
-I still want to go on a cruise
-Vincent gets constipated a lot. And I do things for him. And that's how I know, love really does have no bounds. 

First 9 weeks...loosley

week 1- didn't notice much of a change. Slept, ate, slept ate, slept ate. Opened eyes occasionally and stared. woke up every 1-2 hours to eat.

week 2- a few more wakeful hours. Josh goes back to work and I cried. started getting a little fussy when awake. Luckily not awake much still at this point. Seems like he wants to eat ALL the time. bottomless pit. I worry he's eating too much.

week 3- two week dr visit. went from 5 lbs 5 oz to 7 lbs 2 oz. He's a healthy eater! Dr pleased with the weight gain and eased my worry by letting me know he can eat as much as he wants right now. they squeezed blood out of his little foot and it about killed me. hated that. glad janine was with me on that visit. i'd have had a hard hard time dealing with that trip. also suzanne in town and got some great help from the two of them.

week 4 i dont recall anything inparticular about this week. All I know is he was still sleeping awfully and eating all the time. I was still struggling with quite a great deal with recovery and adjusting to this motherhood thing.

week 5- at the end of this week we went to the cabin. It marks a great turning point. He slept better up there and i think almost reached a three hour block. i was elated. this is also the first time i really saw him content with kicking and having fun on the floor. I think he really liked his little companion Archer who was also running races on the floor.

weeks 6- settling into motherhood much much better. enjoying vincent so much more. he's sleeping a little better and making eye contact with me and focusing in a little better.

First time I saw him studying his arm 9-12-12
Raspberries 9-12-12
cooing about 8 weeks old but really started talking a lot at 9 weeks


That up there is the what has kept me from posting. I didn't want to edit it, or add to it. Then I realized I can just post it the way it is. I have a journal going from things I thought to write down since that I will post at a later time. Also, if someone were to buy me say, an Iphone or some sort of droid with a decent camera, I would post a lot more. I swear. I hate lugging out Josh's fancy camera. Just sayin.

Already, this blog is a trial for me. :) Partly because of my new job. And partly because the post I've been working on is milestones from Vincent's first 12 weeks and it's kind of daunting to me. But I'm almost done with it and will be posting it soon.

So I have this job. And it's kind of brutal. But if I can stick with it just one more weekend, then I'll be able to work from home which will be fantastic. I work for a company called O'ccurance taking calls for infomercials. The Nutribullet to be exact if any of you have seen that one. Anyway, my scheduled hours are Thursday 1am to 7am. Friday & Saturday 1am to 9am. That's not really the bad part. They have what are called mandatories. Which pretty much make you work all weekend with breaks in between, but pretty much ALL weekend. Which, when I work from home wont be bad at all. But having to leave my family for almost three days straight has been rough. Oh and not to mention the sleep deprivation. Which isn't really alleviated during the week because my sweet little guy likes to wake me up.

With that said, I am very grateful to have this job. It's got good hours for me and I'll deal with those hours if it means Vincent wont have to do any kind of day care. Ever. And it's not often you find a job that will let you work from home.

And speaking of Vincent, here are some cute little fall pictures we just took....

This little cutie is 12 weeks old tomorrow. I can't believe how much he's grown. It's been so fun to watch him grow from week to week. We love him a lot!

A little about my pregnancy, labor and delivery...

...It all sucked.

(If you are squeamish about child birth, maybe skip this post. But I'd like to remember these details so here they are. )

Actually, I probably wont post about my pregnancy because it would just end up being 5 large paragraphs of grievances with nothing positive to say. Truly the only good thing I experienced while pregnant, was not having to clean out the littler box for 9 months.

Labor started with pretty intense and painful contractions about 3am on Monday July 2, 2012. I thought that I would be hospital bound in no time. This was very pleasing to me as I thought it would still be a few more days to a week based on my Dr. appointment I had just had. I hadn't dilated at all!  Buuuuut, the contractions never got closer than 8-12 minutes apart. This went on all day Monday, and all day Tuesday. I went to bed at 9pm on Tuesday night because there was a little reprieve in the contractions. Woke up at 11 pm with Oh so painful contractions but they were still so far apart. I was so mad. I got up and just started pacing around the house. I did this for about 2 hours and it did the trick. They were finally 3-5 minutes apart and I was so happy.

We got to the hospital about 2am Wed morning. ( Would have been sooner but for some reason I thought it important to take the time to shave my legs, otherwise I would be embarrassed. Ridiculous.) They checked me and I was only 1 1/2 centimeters dilated. Checked again 2 hours later and and was only at a 2. My contractions started getting further and further apart and I thought for sure they would send me home. But they said they'd keep me for one more hour and just see if I made any progress. By some great and glorious miracle when they checked again, I was 3 1/2 and they admitted me. Hallelujah and Fin-al-ly!

I can't believe I am sharing this awful awful picture. Contracting painfully here.

I received and epidural that worked wonderfully until about 9am when I started feeling intense pain in the lower half of my abdomen and on down. Pushed the button and pushed the button but to no avail. The anesthesiologist came in to bump up my dose but still felt so much pain. At about 4:30 pm I was finally 9 1/2 and ready to start pushing. I was so incredibly nervous for this. I knew I would feel everything and thought  the contractions would be unbearable while pushing. Turns out contractions are actually relieved when you are pushing. So as incredibly exhausted and sweaty as I was, I tried not to take too many breaks because, man o man did I hate those contractions. Pushing was a blur, all I remember is thinking, I can't believe this is happening to me. I really thought it would never end. I pushed for an hour and finally at 5:31 pm on July 4, 2012 a beautiful baby boy was plopped right on my chest.

Vincent James Wolstenholme, just a tiny 5lbs 15oz and 19 inches long.


I just remember feeling this instant relief from the pain and a feeling of euphoria running through my whole body as I looked at this little creature in front of me. He was spectacular and I could not believe this was my baby and that he was more perfect than I could have imagined. It was maybe the best feeling I have ever experienced. And it was short lived.

Next thing I know I was feeling pain again. I couldn't believe it, I thought I was done with pain. The umbilical cord detached from the placenta. Also the placenta was still attached to the uterine wall. So Dr. Smith had to manually try and retrieve the after birth. It was maybe the worst part of my whole experience. Not only because I wasn't prepared to deal with more pain (Ahhhh the pain) but I couldn't even enjoy this new baby. During the ordeal I remember looking over and seeing Josh holding Vincent adoringly. Even though I was slightly jealous I was also very relieved to know that he was in his Dad's arms while I underwent basically a D&C and feeling every bit of it.

I lost a lot of blood and they were preparing to do a transfusion, but ended up not needing one. I was so weak the rest of the night I really didn't feel much like holding my sweet baby even though my heart ached for him. But we bonded a lot the next day. I took advantage of staying in the hospital the full 48 hours after birth, and still didn't feel quite ready to go home.

I can't figure out why it's coming in sideways. Finally bonding. Yucky puffy face. 

 

 

All of it, the pregnancy, labor and delivery were rough, but so incredibly worth it. I love this baby and have enjoyed getting to know him and watching him grow. He has been the perfect addition to our little family. Josh would agree on all these points as well. We both feel very lucky.

Let's try this again...

A few years ago, shortly after Josh and I were married, I started a blog. I didn't much care for blogging and stopped almost as soon as I started. I think I had insufficient inspiration. We just worked and not much else and that isn't much fun to blog about. I think I was also a little self conscious about my blog. I thought it was pretty boring and I didn't like to blog about myself. Well recently, I have found new inspiration, and something that could never bore me. And it goes a little something like this...

So I think I'll try this again, as I've got a lot more to say, and a lot more I want to remember. Our little family deserves that, even if I am a little timid about writing, and a little timid about sharing my soul. Here's hoping for a successful blogging experience.